Something Wicked This Way Comes

I have this, I guess you can say, condition that makes it necessary for me to hole myself inside a room, completely alone with no contact whatsoever from other human beings.

Sometimes the need comes slowly, other times it comes so suddenly I just immediately shut down. 

This time, it comes slowly, like storm clouds gathering in the sky, ready to unleash thunder and lightning. 

I'm not kidding. 

The signs are easy to detect; I get easily annoyed, easily angered, feeling the compulsion to hit just about everybody and everything. The slightest sound becomes way too loud and irritating, especially human voices. Just a simple sound of the human voice could raise my blood pressure...which is why I always have headphones around my head when I go out--cause people tend to leave me alone. Most of the time I don't even turn the music on. 

The filter I have in my brain, that picks out things I should or shouldn't. The easy going demeanor and tolerance I have for other people's shenanigans...yeah, that would basically be GONE.

Sometimes, it feels like there's another me rising beneath the surface; someone who says and does whatever the hell she wants without regarding other people or consequences. 

This is usually the time where I lock myself inside my house and not go out. At all. Usually, it takes days. The longest I stayed in this state of mind was three weeks...where I do not want and do not speak to another person, at least not face to face or even through the phone.

Seriously, not even my friends. Or my family.

Yes, I'm fucking serious.

One other thing though, when I'm being like this, I also dislike being touched, which isn't at all weird because I'm not really a touchy feeling kind of person in the first place, but someone touches me when I'm in this condition; that person will be in danger of losing a hand. My temper just spikes without warning. 

Anyway, this self-induced isolation is easy to do when I was living in my own house way over at the other island...but not so much where I'm currently am, surrounded by family. And it's not really something I talk to my family about, this'thing', because although my family knows I like my space and I'm not particularly talkative, touchy feely and/or social, they don't know to the extent of  how this 'thing' makes me feel. 

I'm not going to label it as depression, 'cause I don't go inside my room to wallow and despair, no, I usually do things, like read, cook, clean, do laundry, or write or draw. I don't lie in bed and stop living, although I do lie in bed and sort out my feelings--because oddly I also have this really weird delayed reaction when it comes to serious things that happens in my life--and try to exorcise this twisted knot inside me. 

It's kind of like when I go to a party or an event and usually after a while I just have to find some spot or dark corner where I can be alone--just with a longer time-span.

So far, my family has been kind of good in leaving me alone (sort of), but, we'll see. 

Oh, and it's also funny that the 'thing' is happening so close to January NaNoWriMo.

Huh, so because I was kind of curious whether other people have experienced this kind of 'thing', I googled it and found this in Yahoo Answers:

Light touch (including a hand on my arm, pat on the back, gentle caress, etc) creates a sensation somewhat akin to the hairs raising on the back of my neck, except that it radiates out from the point of contact across my whole body. My chest tightens up and it becomes hard to breathe. I experience the intense urge to hit the offending hand (or other limb) away* as hard and fast as possible. It feels like some sort of hostile invasion. I have no particular aversion to germs, it's the actual sensation of being touched that I find unpleasant, even from people I know well. Same thing with hair or clothes accidentally brushing against my body.

Unexpected touch is just as bad, if not worse, because I have no way to mentally prepare myself for it in advance.

Interestingly enough, although light touch is abhorrent, being grabbed or held very tightly (to the point where an NT might find it uncomfortable or somewhat painful) is quite pleasant,

 ...the words in italics is exactly how I feel. I've never froze up or experienced panic attacks before but I do feel...not disgust but I cringe away from the touch, same goes when I walk in a crowd, I dislike having even the clothes of people touching me.

The thing is, the woman that answered this has Asperger Syndrome and I don't think I have it. Or maybe a mild case of it? Is that even possible?

I just have this aversion for touch, especially when I'm in hibernate mode, even from family or friends.