Friday, October 16, 2015


*sigh* First time posting since forever and it's a rant.

Anyway, here goes.

I have been seeing memes and hipster pictures of admonishments and chastisements against girls wearing 'fashionable' hijabs--they're saying that a hijab is about maintaining modesty and not about attracting attention. 
Now, I have questions about this issue, 1st of all, what kind of fashionable hijabs are we talking about? 
Something like this?
Or this?

2nd, are they actually doing their job of covering what they should? 
3rd, did this issue come from a hijab-wearing woman/girl or from a man?

If the hijab is covering up what it should, then I don't see a problem with it being fashionable. And by fashionable I mean being pretty or stylize or riddled with frou-frou or whatever. And I don't think that girls are wearing fashionable hijabs to attract attention, that's just the end result.

(As if boys or men need any reason to look at girls)

Clothes, including the hijab, isn't just cloth covering up our body, for me it's a statement, it's a way to express myself or my mood, it's a creative outlet. So, if the girls/women want to wear something fashionable, let them.

Let's just look at this logically. A hijab isn't easy to wear. Sure there are some that's pretty much pullovers but the 'fashionable' hijabs? Those are made of large squares or rectangle shaped cloth that girls swirl, circle, knot, pin, beat to submission in order to achieve the perfect style that compliments their face or their muslim attire. Those hijabs are complicated and intricate pieces of art. People take tutorials and courses to achieve this. 
Like this one:
And these girls do this very thing every day
Why? Because they want to look good. 
For who? For themselves
Because believe it or not, guys, women don't dress for you (unless you are our significant other and unless we intend to ensnare you into our webs),  we dress how we want because we feel good in it. It's already hard enough for girls to feel comfortable with their own body considering the over-sexualized and over- fetishized world we live in (and if you think that girls in hijabs aren't fetishized you are wrong), when we like the way we look, when we feel good about ourselves, we feel confident. And confidence is a very good thing. People, especially girls deserve to feel good about themselves. Deserve to feel confident. And if wearing fashionable hijabs makes them feel better about themselves, so be it. 
  (oh look, her hijab doesn't cover the protrusion of her breasts. WHORE. *shakes fist* I want the dress though, pretty.)
Besides, do you know how hard it is for girls to wear hijabs? The obstacles alone range from peer pressure, what they see in the media, people's perception, to simply living in our tropical country? They cover their hair, their arms and body and legs, do you know how trying that is, to feel smothered by that much heat? When my sisters come home from school and take off their hijabs they are soaking in sweat.
But these girls wear it because they have faith, because they believe in covering their modesty, they believe in following God's words. So now they want to look pretty while they do that and you can't stand it? You think it attracts to much attention? Whose attention? Your attention? Men's attention? Pffft. Please.

I don't think this is a religious issue. I think it is a social one. I think this is the age-old problem where women are blamed for distracting men who can't seem to help themselves, and who can't show a bit of restraint. But of course it is the women who should take the blame and the shame. 
Oh, these hijab wearing hussies, how dare that they want to look pretty while wearing a hijab, look at them covering up their hair and bodies, flaunting their shape like that. And wearing heels under their long skirts that cover up their legs. FOR SHAME!!
Look pal, if you consider a girl in a hijab (who is covered from head to toe) is distracting you and trying to get your attention, or a girl in a hijab (who is still covered from head to toe) needs to cover up more so she wouldn't attract attention then YOU have a problem.

Go seek help and leave the girls alone.

Haaaa, ladies? You feeling me?

*drops mic*

Sunday, September 20, 2015

I have an idea.

Not like that's anything new, I always have ideas, it's the execution part that's my problem.

I haven't been writing stuff or crocheting/knitting stuff because my wrist is giving me trouble. I thing I might have jammed something because I twist my wrist in the wrong way, it shoots pain up my arm. Very inconvenient.

I am advised to rest it up some. So here I am typing. *sigh* I should stop. But...ideas.

Sunday, June 21, 2015

Thursday, April 16, 2015

Just got home. So, so tired.

Doing a new thing is scary. Doing a new thing outside your comfort zone is even scarier. You do start to question yourself and your ability. It sucks.

But it needs to be done.

You just have to decide whether the risk is worth it. To think that trying and failing is okay. That what's not truly okay, is not trying at all.

And. guess, what? My family is crazy. I don't think we like each other at all. Seriously, we do have the bond that comes with being family but I don't think any of us like each other, and what makes it worse, family always knows how to hurt you the most. So having people bound by family ties who doesn't like each other is the worst thing ever. I've been through this before with my parents splitting up so it doesn't hurt as much, mostly, I'm resign to it, but what drives me crazy is how other people react to it. I seriously just want to punch everybody in the face right now.

This has been the worse months ever.

I need to cheer myself up.

Is it odd that I cheer myself up with sad music? It's just cathartic for me to let the sad music wash over me, maybe cry a bit, and be fine after. Watching sad movies are like that for me too.

Sunday, March 29, 2015

Tired. Music. Writing

Have been helping out a friend making desserts for her son's first birthday for the last three days. I'm wiped out and am taking the day off today. Will continue to write tomorrow. 

I haven't been posting new chapters lately to the blog because there have been a lot of plagiarizing scare for story bloggers. I'm hesitant on posting mine on my blog because most of them happened to indie book authors. Grace Draven, an author of Master of Crows and Radiance was one of the authors I heard it happened to and she pulled her latest historical steampunk story from her blog after only two chapters. And I loved that story too! Stupid greedy people who can't create one of their own and have to steal from other people. 


A lot of things have happened and I'm just trying to get through the day one at a time. Plus, I have a good possible job offer that I'm excited about. Still have to audition for it so I'm trying to do my best. 

Wish me luck. 

Oh, and I entered April Camp NaNoWriMo with a rewrite of DreamWalkers. I'm still hesitant about some characters on this book so I decided to rewrite from the fifth chapter, especially since Yohan will show up on it. Yohan's appearance will shake things up and it will also contribute a lot to the story. He's a pretty big deal so I want to make it perfect--not that a book is ever perfect to its writer. 

Today is also the first chance I have to do some laundry, good thing since I ran out of clothes to wear. You know, for a girl, I can actually fit my whole clothes into one plastic box, I think that's kind of sad, do you?

I've also been trying to find new music to listen to since music is a big part of my writing process but ended up searching for old albums that I actually like, for example: Secondhand Serenade. I found his acoustic album fill of acoustic versions of his previous songs: A Naked Twist in My Story and his newest album: Undefeated. His songs are pop, alternative, indie songs. I like his heartfelt lyrics and his use of guitar and piano. His themes are usually simple, easy to listen to songs and I love those kind of songs because they're fun, sweet and doesn't interfere with my writing. And he has an array of find love, heartbreak, in the middle of relationship songs that gives different atmosphere to my scenes. 

This is one of my favorites from his album Undefeated. It's called 'I Don't Want'.

I don't wanna bend, don't wanna break
I don't know how much more of this I can take
I don't wanna love you, no; its true
If I have to learn to love anyone but you

Dashboard Confessional has been my favorite band for a while now. I knew them because a friend recommended them to me--he's dead now--so the band is a good reminder of him and mortality for me. 

Dashboard Confessional has an eerie knack for beautiful, beautiful lyrics and atmospheric moods. They're one of those bands that can combine band music with soaring orchestra music so everything is just doubly good. 

I have so many personal favorites from them that changes from day to day. Today my favorite is a tie between Even Now

Even now I can feel your hair
Blow across my cheek
As we sit in one of two chairs

Even now I can feel your face
Resting on my chest
Wrestling for sleep
And failing at it

Even now I can see you sleep
I can see you dream
I can see you fly
And I always can find you again

--and So Long, So Long

How the girls could turn to ghosts before your eyes
And the very dreams that led to them are keeping them from dying
And how the grace with which she walked into your life
Will stay with you in your steps,
And pace with you a while
So long, so long

When I said music is a big part of my writings, I wasn't kidding, Dashboard Confessional has contributed to a lot of my stories, all their songs has a kind of feeling and story to it. 

Jason Reeves is also one of my favorite singers. Simple and sweet, beautiful melody and lyrics. 

Jason Reeves' Old-fashioned Letters combined both of my great loves: good song and the written word

You still write me old fashioned letters 
Put your perfume on the pages 
With crossed out words 
That you took back like 
Do you really miss me

Monday, March 23, 2015

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

I once had a guy yelled at me, calling me 'bitch' when I didn't respond to his overture, apparently he wanted to talk to me. He was so persistent that I offered to talk to him at a 24/7 food stall that I was heading to, but he refused. Why the hell was I even giving him the chance to speak to me?

Let me set the scene. It was 2 AM, I was walking home from the cybercafe where I was working on a translation. He saw me and turned around to follow me. Here are my choices, either stop there to talk to him (not likely) or have him follow me home (hell no) so I offered to humor him but in a familiar space where everybody knows me and are friendly. 

He refused. So, I walked on and ignore him. He followed me again until I walked to the food stall where he left me yelling 'bitch' (not really, he called me a really nasty word in Indonesian-Javanese). The owner of the food stall asked me what was that about and I told him that the guy was following me so I'm gonna wait here for a moment just to make sure that he was gone. He shrugged and gave me a free iced milo. 

And of course, since all the people in the stall was male, 'they said that's why I shouldn't be walking in the middle of the night."

I opened my mouth to explain myself, would tell them about I had work, it only took five minutes to walk home, I know everyone that worked in the cybercafe, I know the people that worked in the 24/7 mini market that I always passed by, the road is brightly lit, and in the middle of the cafe to my house, there is this place who is always crowded by people, but then I shut my mouth realizing, I didn't NEED to explain to them, I didn't NEED to feel ashamed or embarrassed because I wasn't the one doing wrong. But that's the case with these kind of situations. The victim is the one to blame for being careless and stupid, not the perpetrator. There are always scumbugs in the world, and if you get screwed, it's your fault for not being vigilant enough. 

But it doesn't really work like that. I once rode a pedicab, in bright day light and this guy in a motorbike followed me, said hi and tried to talk to me. I ignored him, and then when he passed by me he actually stopped to wait for the pedicab to catch up and followed me right to my university. He waited for me when my class was over so I had to hang back for a while until he left. That's in bright day light. Then there are guys who like to act innocent and then brush up against me in public places. How the hell do I protect myself against that?

And I don't get the self-entitlement that goes with harassment, as if it is perfectly all right for them to accost me and feel insulted and offended when I don't feel inclined to speak with them. Even my mother told me to 'be nice and polite' so I wouldn't make things worst by antagonizing them. But being nice and polite as in eye contact is often mistakenly construed as encouragement and that's the opposite of what I want to do. 

Then of course, there's the whole other side of being (what other people consider) too vigilant. When you slow down your steps so the guy walking behind you will walk in front of you. When you refuse to go inside an elevator when a guy is inside it. When you ignore a guy who tries to talk to you on the street. When you refuse a ride from a guy you've only known for a couple of days. When you unconsciously shift away when a guy enters a space. And then they look at you or treat you as if they are offended by how you're 'overly cautious' with them. 

So, being 'overly cautious' means you're insulting perfectly good men who can't possibly harass you, and being 'careless' means you're asking for it. 

It's a damn if you do or damn if you don't do situation and the thought that most women experience this everyday pisses me off.

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

A story blog by Dana Marton: The Reluctant Concubine

Dana Marton's The Reluctant Concubine is good fantasy romance about a girl who is a healer but is taken from her people in order to become a slave. Don't let the title fool you.

She's following in the footsteps of Ilona Andrew's Clean Sweeps and Grace Draven, blogging her chapters until the book is done and taking it off the blog after. Like I do too!!!

She updates it 2 chapters a day. Marvelous. It's the first thing I check every morning!!!.

Sunday, February 22, 2015

Recipe: Dessert: Soft Crepes

Should've made a better presentation of the goods but couldn't 'cause I was too hungry and the ice cream was melting. XD

Made this a couple of days ago for my sisters. It's already good without any filling, my sisters ate just as is but I prefer to eat it with ice cream.

Portion: 18-20


1. 4 eggs
2. 1/2 cup butter, melted
3. 1/3 sugar
4. 1 cup flour
5. 1 cup milk
6. 1/4 cup water
7. 1 tsp vanilla
8. dash of salt


1. Mix all ingredients in blender except flour. Blend. Sprinkle in flour, blend. Refrigerate for 1 hour.
2. Remove and blend for about a minute. Heat 8 inch skillet. Butter pan 1/2 tsp. 
3. Pour 1/4 cup of batter, thin layer. 
4. Cook for about 30 seconds/ or until edges lifted easy by spatula. flip. Cook again. 
5. Use wax paper between crepes. (Although, maybe because I used too much butter for the pan, the wax paper was unnecessary because the crepes didn't stick together)

Super duper yummy and easy to make!!!

Saturday, February 21, 2015

Movies, Friends and chats

Due to an unexpected possible opportunity that came my way, my friends and I ended up talking about every wrong thing about Indonesian movies that I realized the only time I actually watched an Indonesian movie was when it was free, as in somebody actually paid for me to watch the movie. Here's the thing, it's not that we don't have good domestic movies, we do, but I don't personally feel justified in paying money for it because most of our movies are usually stupid horror movies or romance. I don't even watch Hollywood's romance in theaters, waste of money and time. I'd much prefer to watch it alone in my house and also be able to speed through it when I get bored.

You might ask, what DO I watch in theaters? Action movies. I would readily shell out money to watch things explode and people getting killed (but not animals), why? Because then we get the whole cinematic experience when watching action movies from sound to camerawork to cinematography. It's a full ride!

Anyway, we started listing the Indonesian movies that we've actually watched and my friend mentioned, "Kapan Kawin" is funny. Kapan kawin in English is "when are you getting married?' yes, it is that question that drives us singletons nutty.

I've heard about the movie but I don't know what it's about and I was like, "Is it about a girl/boy who gets harassed by people via that question, finally snaps and kills everybody afterwards?"

Friend: I like your version better.

Another friend: It can start as a comedy...then becomes a thriller. A thriller comedy!

Suffice to say, all three of us are unmarried....but if that was the movie, I'd watch it though.

Found a favorite Youtuber!

I love youtube, not just for music but for the collections of really interesting vloggers, like:

These brothers are nerdy, entertaining and intelligent as hell. John Green is a writer and Hank Green is a musician and an awesome human being. Both of them are. 

I also love their crashcoarses vids, explaining things from science, history, current events, literature in an entertaining and easy to understand way. 

And there is 

Basically, they share current events and joke about it no matter what it is. It can be crass at times but they are comedians, it's what they do. They do discuss issues in a round table way that I like and they are also very thoughtful.

And then there's

EmergencyAwesome is a vlog that discusses TV shows that's currently on air. 


A movie reviewer, there's a lot of them on youtube but I like him because his taste ran toward action and fantasy. And I usually agree with his reviews. 

and now I found

This guy is so funny and so intelligent. I love his vlogs. I'm still catching up on his videos but so far, so good. He vlogs about current events, about music, about education, science (he has a degree in physics) and his vlogs are well researched and hella funny and thoughtful and inspired. I love it. 

I still have a lot of vloggers that I subscribed too but these are my go-to vlogs. 

Friday, February 20, 2015


So, all right. I probably shouldn't panic. Cats do this all the time, my other cats do, but you don't understand, Boo follows me around all day and always come when I call. 

Last night he didn't come back. 

I'm worried he's out there sick or something. 

I had him since he was a baby and some really bad people put him inside a plastic bag and threw him in my back yard along with his sister. His sister didn't make it, they were wet and probably cold. 

Boo would be with me for a year next March. 


TV Series: The 100

So, I've been catching up on The 100, the TV series based on the book by Kass Morgan.

At first, I watched a few episodes and it was good and dark but it didn't really get me, though I do like the characters: Bellamy the guy who would sacrificed everything for his sister, Octavia. Clarke, the logical and sensible girl who has a really good head on her shoulders and was on point on their mission. Then there was Octavia herself, the girl who was raised under the floor because there was a one-child limit in the Ark, the space ship they were on. 

After a few episodes, I dropped the series and continued to greener and much more exciting pastures. 

Then season 2 happened, and of course because of tumblr, I would start getting gifs of scenes that made me curious, so I started on it again. And holy shit, it got better

But first, let's start from the basics. 

There was a nuclear war or something like it and the Earth got so destroyed we had to escape to space. We built spaceships and then combined all of them, we named it the Ark, appropriate no? We intended to wait out the radiation to disappear from Earth so we could live in it again. 

But as the years go buy, the resources that we earlier had and the spaceship itself began to crumble away, little by little. Food, even air. We start to punish people over the smallest things to enforce order, also to have a reason to throw people in the airlock so the air would last longer. 

The ark could no longer sustain our numbers, so the council decided to send people down to Earth, to asses whether Earth is livable or not. Who do they send? 100 of their juvenile delinquents. They are equipped with bracelets to judge their health and detect their heartbeats. 

To make a long story short: they landed on Earth, then fought on who would be in charge: Bellamy representing anarchy, and Clarke representing order and mission. 

They fight, they explore--

--they found out they're not alone. 

Grounders, people who had been living there, a warrior-rich culture. Reapers, people who eat other people. The Mountain Men, the people who were survivors of the nuclear war and had been living in bunkers among old riches and luxury. 

One of the quotes that describe the series are, "Who we have to be to survive, is not who we are". 

This series is dark! I'm not kidding. The choices these kids had to make again and again. The things they had to do was hard and soul-corroding. There's no black and white, and sometimes they are only black and white. It's always the extremes and never middle-ground. 

There was a scene where Bellamy had to kill his friend that was hit by yellow fog (the acid fog), he was burned and in pain and past saving, but Bellamy, who had been encouraging anarchy, violence and a no-rules community couldn't do it. Instead it is Clarke, who took the knife from Bellamy's hand, hummed and brushed this dying boy's head and pierced his carotid artery, giving him a merciful death. I was HOLY SHIT, I did not expect that. I did not expect for Clarke, who has been the one who preached order and logic, to do such a thing. We see that echo of our surprise in Bellamy's face, and the respect to go with it.

This is where I turned believer for these series. 

There was also a gruesome scene where murder happened, and this one guy (who has been a violent asshole the whole time) was accused and they formed a lynch mob. But it wasn't her, it was actually a little girl, who killed the teenage boy because her father was killed by his. She ended up chased by Murphy (the one who almost got lynched) but ended up jumping to her death. 

The writing of this series has been amazing. Every character has that perfect line, have a purpose to jumpstart the story. The characterization itself is layered and rich, not one character is just one thing, even those that we would love to hate; we understand them, and there is at least one thing from them that we admire. 

Also, I LOVE that this show is riddled with kickass females. From Clarke who emerged to be a good leader for her people: who learns to make and live with the hard choices, to both be soft and strong. Who earned the respect of her people by being a good leader which is not as easy as you might think.

Octavia who felt like she never belonged anywhere until she met Lincoln, who taught her the way of the Grounders and grew to be this awesome warrior. And I love that Lincoln respects that strength in her. It showed that when Bellamy said, 'You're good for her. You make her strong." And Lincoln said, "She was always strong."

There is Anya and later Lexa, the commander for her people and Indra, a warrior and head of her village.

Out of every one of these characters there is something that we could respect. And I LOVE these characters despite that I do not always understand their choices. 

And the relationships, the bromances, and the romances and the familial are written is such an intricate and human way that it is just SO GOOD.

I just...have so much LOVE for this show. 

Saturday, February 14, 2015

Dreamwalkers: Dreamwalkers chapter 4

Dreamwalkers: Dreamwalkers chapter 4: Okay, last chapter was a false start, figured out I had to change a few chapters in order to fit the mythology. This is #day1 of the #30day...

Saturday, January 17, 2015

Dreamwalkers: Dreamwalkers-Chapter 3

Finally finished DreamWalkers. Decided that this would be another series! I KNOW! But anyway, this book will be #1 DreamWalkers: Dream a Little Dream of Me.

It needs a lot of work though, so anyone who wants to betaread please message me or connect with me through facebook or twitter. And I will be editing and rewriting as I go along.

This book is a part of my #30days30chaptersproject, a project where I will post chapters daily whether I am sure or not, but at least it would keep me working on my editing  and not drag my feet over it. You have my permission to kick my ass if I miss a day.

After I'm done with this, I will also do the same with Till Death Do Us (Not) part which will also be a two book deal. I know, it's like I cannot write one simple book. Sheesh.

Anyway, enjoy!

Dreamwalkers: Dreamwalkers-Chapter 3: Their town, high up in the mountains, rarely experience sunny days. The sun would come out but the air would carry a chill instead of...

Monday, January 5, 2015


It's funny how your subconscious works, I was dreaming and I was out at this desert-like world and our guide suddenly went still and we've learned to freeze when he does that. Evidently we were aware we were in danger because the electrical buzzing of generators went quiet, it was a sign, a warning before an attack by--don't remember, anyway, that's when I woke up and realize that there was a blackout in RL and the fact that the silence of generators was actually my brain noticing the lack of sound from my fan.

Plus, when 10 years ago I would think my guide as old, since I'm 31 now, I thought of him as hot. LOL. ‪#‎dreaming‬ ‪#‎doingitright‬