Tired. Music. Writing

Have been helping out a friend making desserts for her son's first birthday for the last three days. I'm wiped out and am taking the day off today. Will continue to write tomorrow. 

I haven't been posting new chapters lately to the blog because there have been a lot of plagiarizing scare for story bloggers. I'm hesitant on posting mine on my blog because most of them happened to indie book authors. Grace Draven, an author of Master of Crows and Radiance was one of the authors I heard it happened to and she pulled her latest historical steampunk story from her blog after only two chapters. And I loved that story too! Stupid greedy people who can't create one of their own and have to steal from other people. 

GRRRRRR. 

A lot of things have happened and I'm just trying to get through the day one at a time. Plus, I have a good possible job offer that I'm excited about. Still have to audition for it so I'm trying to do my best. 

Wish me luck. 

Oh, and I entered April Camp NaNoWriMo with a rewrite of DreamWalkers. I'm still hesitant about some characters on this book so I decided to rewrite from the fifth chapter, especially since Yohan will show up on it. Yohan's appearance will shake things up and it will also contribute a lot to the story. He's a pretty big deal so I want to make it perfect--not that a book is ever perfect to its writer. 

Today is also the first chance I have to do some laundry, good thing since I ran out of clothes to wear. You know, for a girl, I can actually fit my whole clothes into one plastic box, I think that's kind of sad, do you?

I've also been trying to find new music to listen to since music is a big part of my writing process but ended up searching for old albums that I actually like, for example: Secondhand Serenade. I found his acoustic album fill of acoustic versions of his previous songs: A Naked Twist in My Story and his newest album: Undefeated. His songs are pop, alternative, indie songs. I like his heartfelt lyrics and his use of guitar and piano. His themes are usually simple, easy to listen to songs and I love those kind of songs because they're fun, sweet and doesn't interfere with my writing. And he has an array of find love, heartbreak, in the middle of relationship songs that gives different atmosphere to my scenes. 

This is one of my favorites from his album Undefeated. It's called 'I Don't Want'.

I don't wanna bend, don't wanna break

I don't know how much more of this I can take

I don't wanna love you, no; its true

If I have to learn to love anyone but you

Dashboard Confessional has been my favorite band for a while now. I knew them because a friend recommended them to me--he's dead now--so the band is a good reminder of him and mortality for me. 

Dashboard Confessional has an eerie knack for beautiful, beautiful lyrics and atmospheric moods. They're one of those bands that can combine band music with soaring orchestra music so everything is just doubly good. 

I have so many personal favorites from them that changes from day to day. Today my favorite is a tie between Even Now

Even now I can feel your hair

Blow across my cheek

As we sit in one of two chairs

Even now I can feel your face

Resting on my chest

Wrestling for sleep

And failing at it

Even now I can see you sleep

I can see you dream

I can see you fly

And I always can find you again

--and So Long, So Long

How the girls could turn to ghosts before your eyes

And the very dreams that led to them are keeping them from dying

And how the grace with which she walked into your life

Will stay with you in your steps,

And pace with you a while

So long, so long

When I said music is a big part of my writings, I wasn't kidding, Dashboard Confessional has contributed to a lot of my stories, all their songs has a kind of feeling and story to it. 

Jason Reeves is also one of my favorite singers. Simple and sweet, beautiful melody and lyrics. 

Jason Reeves' Old-fashioned Letters combined both of my great loves: good song and the written word

You still write me old fashioned letters 

Put your perfume on the pages 

With crossed out words 

That you took back like 

Do you really miss me

Scriptwriting is hard. Want to control everything.

That is all.

I once had a guy yelled at me, calling me 'bitch' when I didn't respond to his overture, apparently he wanted to talk to me. He was so persistent that I offered to talk to him at a 24/7 food stall that I was heading to, but he refused. Why the hell was I even giving him the chance to speak to me?

Let me set the scene. It was 2 AM, I was walking home from the cybercafe where I was working on a translation. He saw me and turned around to follow me. Here are my choices, either stop there to talk to him (not likely) or have him follow me home (hell no) so I offered to humor him but in a familiar space where everybody knows me and are friendly. 

He refused. So, I walked on and ignore him. He followed me again until I walked to the food stall where he left me yelling 'bitch' (not really, he called me a really nasty word in Indonesian-Javanese). The owner of the food stall asked me what was that about and I told him that the guy was following me so I'm gonna wait here for a moment just to make sure that he was gone. He shrugged and gave me a free iced milo. 

And of course, since all the people in the stall was male, 'they said that's why I shouldn't be walking in the middle of the night."

I opened my mouth to explain myself, would tell them about I had work, it only took five minutes to walk home, I know everyone that worked in the cybercafe, I know the people that worked in the 24/7 mini market that I always passed by, the road is brightly lit, and in the middle of the cafe to my house, there is this place who is always crowded by people, but then I shut my mouth realizing, I didn't NEED to explain to them, I didn't NEED to feel ashamed or embarrassed because I wasn't the one doing wrong. But that's the case with these kind of situations. The victim is the one to blame for being careless and stupid, not the perpetrator. There are always scumbugs in the world, and if you get screwed, it's your fault for not being vigilant enough. 

But it doesn't really work like that. I once rode a pedicab, in bright day light and this guy in a motorbike followed me, said hi and tried to talk to me. I ignored him, and then when he passed by me he actually stopped to wait for the pedicab to catch up and followed me right to my university. He waited for me when my class was over so I had to hang back for a while until he left. That's in bright day light. Then there are guys who like to act innocent and then brush up against me in public places. How the hell do I protect myself against that?

And I don't get the self-entitlement that goes with harassment, as if it is perfectly all right for them to accost me and feel insulted and offended when I don't feel inclined to speak with them. Even my mother told me to 'be nice and polite' so I wouldn't make things worst by antagonizing them. But being nice and polite as in eye contact is often mistakenly construed as encouragement and that's the opposite of what I want to do. 

Then of course, there's the whole other side of being (what other people consider) too vigilant. When you slow down your steps so the guy walking behind you will walk in front of you. When you refuse to go inside an elevator when a guy is inside it. When you ignore a guy who tries to talk to you on the street. When you refuse a ride from a guy you've only known for a couple of days. When you unconsciously shift away when a guy enters a space. And then they look at you or treat you as if they are offended by how you're 'overly cautious' with them. 

So, being 'overly cautious' means you're insulting perfectly good men who can't possibly harass you, and being 'careless' means you're asking for it. 

It's a damn if you do or damn if you don't do situation and the thought that most women experience this everyday pisses me off.